do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
