thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
