I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
