I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
