I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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