May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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