Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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