next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
