I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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