babies were throwing up all over the place
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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