Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
