Got a toothbrush?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
