I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
