Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
