I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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