Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
