theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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