On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
