I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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