i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
