You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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