My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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