And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Vodka?
Forever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
