so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
