im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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