I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
