Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
