you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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