I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
