we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
