So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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