Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
