there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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