I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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