Her vagina should come with caution tape.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
