I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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