shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
