you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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