you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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