I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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