Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
