I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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