i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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