I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
