i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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