also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The Olympian is in my bed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
