I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
