I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
