we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
