forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I can text with my tongue
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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