??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
