I think I won the penis lottery.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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