she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
