just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
