they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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