It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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