Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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