Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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