i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
