Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot