her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
