We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
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all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.