I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
