Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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