Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
