How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
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Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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