YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
