and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
