One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
