My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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