I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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