Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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